Tag Archives: conservative

Republicocksuckers, Rejoice! (The Most Xrated Yet!)

Oh Yeah! She's gonna take the whole thing!

Even though Shelly Bacharachman doesn’t have a cock, she’s got a mighty strap-on that she’s got all oiled up and prepped for penetration. Although it might not be her 9″ veiny dong that will be the penetrating, all of the Republicocksuckers are lowered down on their haunches waiting for the USA to look its way so that they can bury their Johnson’s deep into some throats.

The way it looks now, the one to do the actually penetrating is gonna be Merry Dick Perry. To explain the metaphor, we call the corporations “Perry’s dirty cock” while we call cutting the size of government “lubing it up.” So, when you hear, “I want to give power to the corporations” You should be understanding it as, “Rick’s been slammin’ ExTenze for a month straight and Perry’s Dirty Cock is going to stretch that mouth-hole tonight!”

Rick's not gonna let Bachmann beat him in anything!

But Fairy Ricky Paris would argue, “you should be glad that I’m just going to pry this greasy thing in-between your teeth and gums. I could put it somewhere else.” The ‘somewhere else’ argument is really the ‘I can completely take away your medicare and social security argument.’ Instead of fucking everyone up the ass, metaphorically of course, by taking away medicare and social security, instead they’re turning it into a hearty mouthful of a voucher system, guaranteed to gag.

Oh, yeah. Don't be afraid! Get that thing nice and wet!

Since we will be too busy trying to swallow the corporate semen, we wont be able to voice our protests in anything other than monosyllabic grunts and vowels. Which is fine for them. Because while we are too busy gulping that down, they’re prepping their shafts for one last slamba jamba. And I think we all know where that one’s gonna go!

Don't forget to cup the ballz!

Some may ask, “why would the Republicocksuckers want to shove corporate cocks down our throats?” Well, the answers are obvious. First, as I pointed out in a previous article, they get paid a fuckload of money to do it from guys with the last name Cock! Second, they would love to throat that cock themselves. All Republicocksuckers want, more than anything,  is to get their throats pounded by that corporate cock so hard that they get phone calls from the producers of Gag Factor.

It's family fun!

But, alas, their conservative views don’t allow for homosexuality or even heterosexual promiscuity, leaving them with their withered flaccid genitalia lying in their hands like an old sock. So, they have to turn to other methods of getting themselves off, and that includes living vicariously through the Middle Class. By continuing to force the Middle Class swallow the ejaculate of the engorged member that is the corporations, they are in turn living out their own cock sucking fantasies. Some may think that calling them Republicocksuckers is an insult, indeed, it is a call for their freedom. A freedom to be who they really are. So, join me, and show respect for all of your conservative friends and call them what they wish to be;  “Republicocksuckers.” And Republicocksuckers, rejoice and be proud of who you really are.  As Marie Antoinette would say, “Let them suck cock!”

"Am I doin' it right?"

Oh, Georgy. Don’t worry. One day you’ll learn how to be a real Republicocksucker.

Morocons, Imbeciliberals, and Stupdependents

Imbecile Liberal: I voted for Obama, but I don’t think he’s done enough.

Moron Conservative: What! You’re out of your mind! He’s destroying our country! He’s turning us into Socialists!

Imeciliberal: What’s Socialism?

 

Morocon: It’s the same thing as Communism!

Imbeciliberal: The same thing the Russians used to have?

Morocon: Is there any other kind?

Imbeciliberal: But he didn’t give us single-payer healthcare.

Morocon: (Chewing on his flag for nourishment): You’re not paying attention to nuthin! He’s taxing  the shit out of us and he’s gonna give it to those do nuthins who pay no taxes.

Imbeciliberal: Really? He’s stopped poor people from paying sales taxes, social security taxes, property taxes, and FICA? Well, I’m a tax and spend liberal. And I can’t be a tax and spend liberal if there aren’t any taxes!

Morocon: Not only that, but more. He’s changed more shit in our government in one year than any other president has in four.

Imbeciliberal: Shit, you’re right! He’s changed everything!  We have to stop him before he destroys this country.

Stupid shit Independent: Hey guys what’s going on?

Imbeciliberal: C’mon, we gotta stop Obama!

Stupashitindependants: Great! Can we stop for ice cream?

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Why Don’t Republicans Want to Pay Their Bills?

This gallery contains 6 photos.

There are some who have been living under a rock that is under a bridge that is located somewhere near an airport, and even those assholes know that Republicans don’t want to pay their fucking bills. I’m referring to, of … Continue reading

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Republicans <3 Serial Killers (Suggested Musical Accompaniment: Cereal Killer by Green Jelly)

This gallery contains 6 photos.

Some may think that when Michelle “Bat Shit Crazy” Bachmann said that she shares the “spirit” of serial killer John Wayne Gacy, that it was merely a gaffe. But sure as that malicious fucker the Easter Bunny shits chocolate eggs … Continue reading

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Who the Fuck is Ayn Rand?

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Suggested Musical Accompaniment: Dr. Worm by They Might Be Giants. As I was in the middle of writing a new article, I wanted to reference that point that I had made about Ayn Rand fingerbanging herself nightly fantasizing about the … Continue reading

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Laissez-Faire Internets: For all of Your Patrio-Erotic Needs

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I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to live in a country where the moral bar is set so high that someone is called a disgusting pervert for sending naked pics of himself to other consenting adults over the … Continue reading

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All Weiner and No Balls

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Because I am such a great guy, I can admit when I’m wrong. Recently, in a post, I indicated that I didn’t think that “Senator ‘Kosher’ Weiner really would’ve been dumb enough to send a dic pic” through his Twitter. … Continue reading