Tag Archives: humor

Send in the Clowns!

You motherfuckers be crazy! This has been the greatest Republicunt primary that I have ever seen! The candidates have proven to me that not only do assholes grow on trees, but that they usually are cared for by illegal aliens before being thrown into the bushel basket known as the Republican party.

Still, the primary is hard to ignore. Epic in its scope an audacious in its execution. The Republi-contenstants, because this is obviously a fucking game, all embody specific  characteristics that can be explained using certain “types” of clowns. Since, I’m not interested in sitting in front of a cancer-emitting LCD screen for your enjoyment, I will only focus on the three front runners.

Ron “Pauly Balls” Paul

 

 

Type of Clown: Auguste

 

Auguste is often an anarchist, a joker, or a fool. In Ronny’s embodiment, he is all three. While most of his followers, I like to call them Paulsies, follow him because of his unbelievably fucking awesome stance of wanted to legalize every drug, yes even crack, they usually ignore his absolute stupidity about getting rid of medicare, social security, public schools, laws about segregation, corporate laws, and a whole host of other crazy shit. His awesomeness on drugs and war only makes his other stances that more fucking insane. At least granny will have all the drugs that she wants when she gets broomstick fucked out of her medicare.

 

Rick “Sloppy Seconds” Santorum 

 

 

 

 

Type of Clown: The Harlequin

Besides for being known for wearing the gayest fucking costume of all of the clowns, Harelquin is a instigating asshole that likes to hit people with sticks. Often, Santorum can be heard hitting the gays with his own rhetorical “sticks.” Of course, it’s hard to ignore his attacks when the Harlequin’s stick was generally seen as a phallic. So, in essence Santorum likes hitting them gays with his penis. Notable Headlines include: Santorum Surges From Behind. Santorum says, “You can’t keep him down!” Santorum Takes on NH with his own backdoor politics.

 

Mitt “Ram it Hard” Romney

 

 

 

 

 

 

Type of Clown: The Tramp

Now I know what most of you are going to say. “How can you call Romney ‘The Tramp’? The guy’s richer than god’s semen!!!” Well, it’s not about what Mitt is but how he presents himself. Remember the Tramp doesn’t work. Think of back a couple of months ago where Mitt claimed that “I’m also unemployed.”  He’s just stating a fact. He hasn’t worked for years. And why the fuck should he? He’s getting pensions from Bain Capitol, that are likely in the tens of millions per year. Also, the Tramp is a Migrant and never settles in any place for too long. He owns three homes where the total worth is about $20 million, but choses to live in his son’s “unfinished basement.”Of course, he probably does this because his other homes are such shitholes.

 

Morocons, Imbeciliberals, and Stupdependents

Imbecile Liberal: I voted for Obama, but I don’t think he’s done enough.

Moron Conservative: What! You’re out of your mind! He’s destroying our country! He’s turning us into Socialists!

Imeciliberal: What’s Socialism?

 

Morocon: It’s the same thing as Communism!

Imbeciliberal: The same thing the Russians used to have?

Morocon: Is there any other kind?

Imbeciliberal: But he didn’t give us single-payer healthcare.

Morocon: (Chewing on his flag for nourishment): You’re not paying attention to nuthin! He’s taxing  the shit out of us and he’s gonna give it to those do nuthins who pay no taxes.

Imbeciliberal: Really? He’s stopped poor people from paying sales taxes, social security taxes, property taxes, and FICA? Well, I’m a tax and spend liberal. And I can’t be a tax and spend liberal if there aren’t any taxes!

Morocon: Not only that, but more. He’s changed more shit in our government in one year than any other president has in four.

Imbeciliberal: Shit, you’re right! He’s changed everything!  We have to stop him before he destroys this country.

Stupid shit Independent: Hey guys what’s going on?

Imbeciliberal: C’mon, we gotta stop Obama!

Stupashitindependants: Great! Can we stop for ice cream?

Oldies but Goodies: Britty Hume

Brit Hume, a ‘respected’ journalist, recently regarded that Tiger Woods, Woody for short, should quickly turn to Christ in order to absolve himself of all of his sins, and he would be the better man for doing it. He added that Buddhism, which he suspected Woody of being a practitioner, doesn’t have any avenue for such absolution. I suspect that besides the face that Mr. Hume doesn’t wouldn’t know the difference between a Buddhist, a Taoist, or a Hare Krishna, or for that matter anything that ain’t a Christian, he probably doesn’t realize that he is being offensive by saying on a ‘news’ show that Christ is the only way and all other religions can suck it.

The fact that he doesn’t realize he is being offensive comes in the form of his follow up interview with Bill ‘O, Billy Boy for short. Billy Boy asked if Mr. Hume was proselytizing, a five dollar word, when he said what he said. Apparently, Mr. Hume didn’t understand what proselytizing meant, because he went on to mumble the following…

Hume: “Nah, I weren’t prost-tit-ol-lizing myself! I love that Tiger guy! He has a set of ballz if you know what I mean! unintelligible mumbling…my spidey-sense says that he needs something that Christianity, ESPECIALLY, provides…Now I only mentioned Buddhism because his mom’s a Buddhist, and I think that some guy said that he heard someone else say that he was at a deli and Tiger said that he was thinking about Buddhism. I wanted to say “NO WAY. Jesus can kick that Budda guy’s ass!”

Billy Boy: “Well, that settles it for me!”

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Why Don’t Republicans Want to Pay Their Bills?

This gallery contains 6 photos.

There are some who have been living under a rock that is under a bridge that is located somewhere near an airport, and even those assholes know that Republicans don’t want to pay their fucking bills. I’m referring to, of … Continue reading

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Welcome to the PussParty

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Most of my time on PS is spent ragging on Republicans. This is because that Republicans are the generally noted as the dirtiest assholes who neglected to wipe in an otherwise pleasant orgy. But, there is some truth that there … Continue reading

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Who the Fuck is Ayn Rand?

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Suggested Musical Accompaniment: Dr. Worm by They Might Be Giants. As I was in the middle of writing a new article, I wanted to reference that point that I had made about Ayn Rand fingerbanging herself nightly fantasizing about the … Continue reading

On The Mark – With M.J. (That’s Me!)

For those of you who don’t know, I moonlight as a guitar god. Well, maybe not a god. But maybe an Daemon at least. Check out the video review I did for TheToneKing.com.